scroll down << lilyjean internet dreams >> 0.0 when the full moon is covered by the clouds of the past it’s hard to be present and find focus in the task 0.0 a season without sun thank you mother for your waters for keeping me on this plane where i find my sanity and release from the pain a season with out sun repulsed burned out lovers life sucked from their veins stand now excreting surrounded by flames eyes turned black hair on end shaking and spitting it knows no friend in a parasitizing transformation the machine-monster pulls it’s host bodies flesh into a total embodiment repulsed i already dead 10x’s over heavy heads keep falling into my hands i already dead 10x’s over heavy heads keep falling into my hands dancing leftover splatters arranged on the wall an engagement of things entities combine in mutual understandings symbiotic communications in between a human making sense of its world and a ‘being-part’ of some uncontrollable forces abstractly conveying un/productivity and feelings of concrete intangibility and ambiguity considering its owns taste measuring it to its own waste dancing standing in the riverbed absolving you of your sins they are carried downstream out of you and me rose gardens she ran with it and she ran with it hard passively watching in awe of her behavior total destruction smiling full heartedly with pride victorious eyes gleam with delusion we are under enchantments flesh hangs from her mouth we forget what we are capable of until it is too late too compliant with simple pleasures produced by the death of others rose gardens i beg for more that soften me less that harden me towards a resentment of man pretending in my hard shell pushed me further into my soft core it’s a contra contra contra shattering actions fragment reflected reality into abstract beings of meaning silver lining swims in alter winds a body beckoned towards cool waters a wind shivered skin cycling through the forces of city streets weeds grow through the cracks of glistening pavement crawling home a leaking nose leads the search for the given hope to be returned undressing in the dark sunroom moonlight bath on that silver body turned blue with a corseted suffocation a forehead lies on the black tile a skull hangs above the sleeping corner where a body lies expiring from such pains of loneliness too reminiscent of the murderous nostalgic modernity that has afforded it privledged comfort there is less desire to capture the awe that swims about them floating into the inter dimensional cloud sphere miles above reflecting the inner light of the warm pools rippling heaven exercising the body in stroke laps shattering actions fragment reflected reality into abstract beings of meaning while i was suspended i saw skeletons in the sky theres new buildings going up and we shouldn’t be so proud people are running these streets like game for the profit of excitement through the veins dressing like is not equivalent to becoming but becoming may result in dressing like expression of understanding is behind real power movers something about the lagging latency of being other becoming-angel powerful delusions take my body into action of active reality through my throat and chest i have arrows pulling me backwards habit protrudes forward in sickness energy traces leaves path behind all intertwines when occurring in happening moment of but i have already been here all the time i have already been here here i'm losing this ability to be what i am cut paste to escape dire realities of depressive joy being alive and in hope of potentia becoming-angel church under construction g(G)od(?) is begging for his death destroying his casing that we insist on holding him up in so we can ask him for forgiveness instead of ourselves another mans witness to our created sins that we lack ability to take responsibility and control of church under construction I may not accurately be able to reflect to you what i think i mean to say there is blood pouring out of me so profusely in my dreams these cycles calling need attention to be broke to find a way out of the self destruction that eats and is begged of by the devil machine monster killing my family from the inside by toxifying them to heal we flush the system with death chemicals to kill any trace of soft living vitality your body holds on in it’s last chances it gives you one more chance to start new and kill yourself again with the addictions that we sold you when you were 5 and got a tv for the first time` why is everyone wearing silver space suits its our participation in fantasy that prolongs its existence porosity allows for the virtual seepage to affect and than act it’s way out of your body into someone elses the virus doesn’t have it’s own skin it’s deadly in it’s dispersion somatic memories the trace moments of becoming like light leaving a mark of what you’ve just seen where in this astronaut escapture I woke up from my dream hard core soft core steps inside cocoon to break self open a recollection of reflections the after life body continues to form in seepage and nostalgic recallings the future is brighter somewhere between the linear and spiraling practice ambiguous extremes coming out my extremities the suffering in holding onto we have sunk into ourselves primary indulgents vomiting on the surface of this virtual security a convenient barrier between the affect of ourselves on others and pulled your hair out of my mouth charged attraction towards those who produce sublimity preserving existence, enigma you surpass me a void so deep it becomes total what I have seen gives me desire to obtain a force I am readily against struggling for embodiment of complex conceptions i am weak and do not know how to find my strength the sun is just beginning to blink her eyes open dust on my tongue, tasting memory water in large shallow ripples flow downwards stone lying honestly solid i see pale pink turn into vibrant magenta flush 0.1 to remember that i have a love that comes with a light to feel joy escape from my body in dance 0.2 << lily jean internet dreams >> 2017-2021